Winners of the Spring 2021 Lyric Contest

Thanks to DSA Lyric Contest Director Alexis Tapp for judging these entries and for the excellent comments.

SEMIFINALISTS

Miss Peggy Lee Sings the Blues by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

Good Old Days by Layne Bruno, Mansfield, Tx

Lavender and Love by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

Daddy Had Another Bad Day by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

WINNERS

First Place Miss Peggy Lee Sings the Blues by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

                                   with judge’s comments

V1: Thinking of you and I am so blue 

Wondering what the heck I’m gonna do 

Woke up this morning, without any warning 

You’d packed all your bags and were gone

Chorus: My head in my hands, there’s two empty bottles 

         My mind’s going crazy…yeah, going full throttle, 

         All of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

         And I’m just too blue. I’m too blue to cry.

V2: Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to years 

But I was not able to dry all my tears 

Then out of the blue, a note came from you 

Said you’d settled down with somebody new

Chorus: My head in my hands, there’s two empty bottles 

         My mind’s going crazy…yeah, going full throttle, 

         All of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

         And I’m just too blue. I’m too blue to cry.

V3: Well, I screwed up my courage and bundled my heart 

And set off to find me a much better start 

Traveled the highways, my mind going sideways 

Too many miles and going nowhere

Chorus: My head in my hands, there’s two empty bottles 

         My mind’s going crazy…yeah, going full throttle, 

         All of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

         And I’m just too blue. I’m too blue to cry.

Bridge: I was goin’ to nowhere pretty damn fast 

So I gathered my things, went home to my past 

Poured me a stiff one and put on some tunes 

And listened to Peggy Lee sing me the blues

Chorus: My head in my hands, there’s two empty bottles 

         My mind’s going crazy…yeah, going full throttle, 

         All of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

         And I’m just too blue. I’m too blue to cry.

Tag:    Miss Peggy Lee, I’m just too blue to cry.

 

I’ve made my suggestions in RED, and you may notice that I’ve taken the liberty of removing some “I’s”, “and’s”, and a few other words that weren’t needed for the story line and weighed the lyric down.  I’m not sure about your title.  Though I originally thought it catchy, you didn’t introduce those words until the very end of the lyric.  I suggest you use those words prominently in the bridge or chorus if you feel committed to that title, but as the lyric stands with my suggestions, the title should probably be:“I Am Too Blue to Cry”.

Miss Peggy Lee Sings the Blues by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

original submission

Thinking of you and I am so blue 

Wondering what the heck I’m gonna do 

I woke up this morning and without any warning 

You packed all your bags and then you were gone

I got my head in my hands, an empty wine bottle 

My mind’s going full throttle, and all of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

Yes, and I’m too blue to sigh

Yes, and I’m too blue to cry

Well the days they turned to weeks and the weeks they turned to years 

But I was not able to dry all my tears 

Then out of the blue there came a note from you 

Sayin’ you had settled down with somebody new

I got my head in my hands, an empty wine bottle 

My mind’s going full throttle, and all of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

Yes, and I’m too blue to sigh

Yes, and I’m too blue to cry

Well I screwed up my courage and I bundled my heart 

And I set off to find me a brand new start 

I traveled the highways with my mind going sideways 

And I covered many miles but I went nowhere

I got my head in my hands, an empty wine bottle 

My mind’s going full throttle, and all of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

Yes, and I’m too blue to sigh

Yes, and I’m too blue to cry

I got my head in my hands, an empty wine bottle 

My mind’s going full throttle, and all of my dreams have been hung out to dry 

Yes, and I’m too blue to sigh

Yes, and I’m too blue to cry

Well I was goin’ nowhere pretty damn fast 

So I gathered my things and went back to my home 

I poured me a stiff one and I lay on my back 

And I listened to Miss Peggy Lee sing the blues 

And I listened to Miss Peggy Lee sing the blues.

Second Place    Good Old Days by Layne Bruno, Mansfield, Tx 

                                         with judges’ comments

V1: Here’s to sneaking out early and coming home late

And to all the things that just couldn’t wait

Here’s to Friday nights under the stadium lights

We lost state but gave it one hell of a fight

V2: Here’s to young love bringing two hearts together 

Yeah, we believed it would last forever 

To Springsteen songs we sang with a lighter

A little too drunk but we still lit that fire

Chorus: And this one’s for us

Every time we messed up

To loves we lost and friends that we’ve made

To the highs and lows we’ll never forget

When the good old days weren’t over yet

V3: To first bills we paid and the full U-Haul trucks

We were young and too dumb to know quite enough 

To all the drinks we’ve spilt on our couches

In first apartments and then our dream houses

V4: Here’s to first jobs and bosses we couldn’t stand

But paychecks felt good in our hot little hands

To the pizza and ramen that got us all through

And to every breakdown, this one’s for you

Chorus: And this one’s for us 

Every time we messed up

To loves we lost and friends that we’ve made

To the highs and lows we’ll never forget

When the good old days weren’t over yet

Bridge: Raise a glass to the past ‘cause it was a gas

To everything we’ve lived through

Raise a glass to the past, best we ever had

Say “cheers” to me and you

Chorus: And this one’s for us

Every time we messed up

To loves we lost and friends that we’ve made

To the highs and lows we’ll never forget

When the good old days weren’t over yet

Chorus: Yeah, this one’s for us

Every time we messed up

To loves we lost and friends that we’ve made

To the highs and lows we’ll never forget

When the good old days weren’t over yet

I’ve suggested changes in red to correct line length, flow, and meter…and sometimes, to help with clarity or further the story. You suggest you cut the chorus down to 5 lines instead of 7.  This revised chorus I’ve suggested makes your point quite well, and this shorter chorus might move the song along better. If you read the lyric aloud over and over, you may begin to see how the words flow off your tongue or you stumble over words. Keep reading aloud and tweaking words and thoughts until it flows well. It’s helpful to label the parts of the lyric: verse, chorus, and bridge. I’ve labeled the above as I believe you intended. I suggest taking one of the lines I removed from your original chorus to build a bridge. This could be a rowdy, sing-along, party song and needs the build up. You’re welcome to use my ideas or not…or tweak the lyric in your own manner. I hope you’ll keep working on this for re-submission. 

   Good Old Days by Layne Bruno, Mansfield, Tx. original submission

Here’s to sneaking out early and coming home late

And to all the things that just couldn’t wait

Here’s to Fridays under stadium lights

We lost state but hell of a fight

Here’s to young love that brought together 

Yeah, we believed it would last forever 

Here’s to the Springsteen songs we sang with a lighter

A little too drunk but we still lit that fire

And this one’s for us

Everytime we messed up

To the loves we lost and the friends we’ve made

To the highs and lows we’ll never forget

To the first bills we paid and the U-Haul trucks

Too young and dumb to know enough 

To all the drinks we’ve spilt on our couch

In our first apartments and our dream houses

Here’s to first jobs and bosses we couldn’t stand

But those paychecks felt good in our hands

To the pizza and ramen that got us through

And to every breakdown, this one’s for you

And this one’s for us. 

For every time we messed up

To the loves we lost and the friends we’ve made

And for every single goodbye wave

Raise a glass to the past and all that we had

To the highs and lows we’ll never forget

When the good old days weren’t over yet

Yeah, this one’s for us

For every time we messed up

To the loves we lost and the friends we’ve made

And for every single goodbye wave

Raise a glass to the past and all that we had. 

To the highs and lows we’ll never forget

When the good old days weren’t over yet 

 Third Place Lavender and Love by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

                    with Judge’s Comments

V1: Can’t explain why I still feel the flame

Even though it burned out long ago

I still remember your lavender and love

Before you left me for the dark side of your soul

Chorus: Found a river that flowing in three-four time

         Let’s dance there again living sublime

 

V2: Feel the foreplay of the gentle twilight

As it hurtles into pitch-black night

Can’t enjoy today living for tomorrow

With voices in your head that’ll stalk your shadow

 

Chorus: I found a river that flowing in three-four time

         Let’s dance there again living our sublime

Bridge: Saddle up your sorrow, ride into my light

        I’ll chase your dreams with you all my life.

        Let me spin your world, summon up the sun 

        Do everything little thing that you’d want done.

Chorus: I found a river that flowing in three-four time

         Let’s dance there again living our sublime

V3: Can’t explain why I still feel the flame

Even though it burned out long ago

I still remember your lavender and love

Before you left me for the dark side of your soul

Chorus: I found a river that flowing in three-four time.  

         Let’s dance on the river, living our sublime

Pretty good chorus with a little editing. I’ve suggested some changes in RED to correct the long lines that didn’t flow very well or to tweak the words for clarity.  Sometimes a lyric doesn’t need quite so many thoughts, so leave us wondering. It’s good to label the different parts of your lyric for the reader, because we can’t hear the music changes. I’m not sure you intended to have a bridge, but I’ve labeled a section as such, because it makes sense and builds on your idea of how much he loves her with the changes I’ve suggested. The second verse doesn’t make sense to me, and I feel it could use clarity to nail down the ideas in your story. I like that you repeated the first verse as the third verse to bring us back around. Thank you for your submission. Good work.

    Lavender and Love by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA  Original submission

I can’t explain why I still feel the flame

Even though it burned out so many years ago

I still remember your lavender and love

Long before you left me for the dark side of your soul

I found a river that flows in three-four time

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime

 

I love the foreplay of gentle twilight

As it hurtles into pitch-black cravings of the night

Ya can’t enjoy today if you live for tomorrow

Don’t let voices in your head stalk you with your own shadow

 

I found a river that flows in three-four time

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime

Saddle up your sorrow, ride into the light

Let me spin your world, summon the sun for you

Life is just my day job, not my heart’s desire

I could spend my lifetime chasing after your sweet dreams

I found a river that flows in three-four time

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime

I can’t explain why I still feel the flame

Even though it burned out so many years ago  

I still remember your lavender and love  

Long before you left me for the dark side of your soul

I found a river that flows in three-four time.  

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime

Fourth Place Daddy Had Another Bad Day by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

                     with judge’s comments

V1: It is a shame, children have to pay

When daddy’s had another bad day

All the rage, will it ever go away?

Or will daddy have another bad day?

Chorus: Sunsets and photographs fade away

But never ever bad, bad, bad daddy days

 

V2: Such a vicious cycle to break

Daddy’s daddy had his own bad days

Fear runs so deep, children cannot sleep

When daddy has another bad day

Chorus: Sunshine and laughter fade away 

But never ever bad, bad, bad daddy days

 

Bridge:  After the storm, daddy lost his head

Broken children laying frozen in their beds

Holding their breath in a pool of fright, 

Will they survive another storm tonight?

Chorus: Sunsets and photographs always fade away 

But never ever bad, bad, bad daddy days

 

Outro: It is a shame, little children have to pay

When daddy has another bad day

When daddy has another bad day

Yeah, daddy had another bad day.  

Thank you for your submission.  The lyric is sad but offers a story from a different perspective.  

I’ve made suggestions in red to help with structure and flow and to build on the story. 

Feel free to use them if you wish, but I suggest you work on this further for resubmission.  

 Daddy Had Another Bad Day by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

                      original submission 

It is a shame, children have to pay

When daddy had another bad day

All his rage takes center stage

Will daddy has another bad day?

Sunsets and old photographs always fade away

But never ever bad, bad, bad daddy days

 

It is a vicious cycle to break cause

Daddy’s daddy had bad days too

Fear runs so deep, children cannot sleep

When daddy has another bad day

Sunsets and old photographs always fade away 

But never ever bad, bad, bad daddy days

 

After the storm when daddy lost his head

Broken children lay froze in bed

Lying in a pool of fright, 

another storm tonight

Oh, daddy will have another bad day? 

Sunsets and old photographs always fade away 

But never ever bad, bad, bad daddy days

 

It is a shame, children have to pay

When daddy has another bad day

When daddy has another bad day

Yeah daddy has another bad day.  

DSA 2021 WINTER LYRIC CONTEST WINNERS

 SEMIFINALISTS

Fishing Alone by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ

Ships, Nicotine stains on the bloodshot cowboy by Martin Robley, West Leeds, Australia

Will There Ever Be a Break of Day by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

Lost Angeles - Lost Angeles by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ

WINNERS

1. Fishing Alone by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ

2. Ships, Nicotine stains on the bloodshot cowboy by Martin Robley, West Leeds, Australia

3. Will There Ever Be a Break of Day by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

4. Lost Angeles - Lost Angeles by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ

First Place: Fishing Alone by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ

V-1  WE WENT FISHING EVERY WEEKEND SHE PACKED LUNCH I TOOK THE BAIT

        DROVE THE TRUCK DOWN TO THE DOCK WE COULD HARDLY WAIT

        SHE SMILED WHEN SHE CAUGHT A FISH GAVE THEM ALL A NAME

        TALKED ABOUT EACH ONE TO ME THEY LOOKED THE SAME  

 

V-2  I ALWAYS TRIED TO PLEASE HER BROUGHT HOME ROSES AND FUN STUFF

        BUT SOMETHING WAS FADING I SAW THAT FLOWERS WERE NOT ENOUGH

        SHE DIDN’T SIT SO CLOSE ANYMORE HER SMILE NOT SO BRIGHT

        LAYING IN BED HOPING WE MIGHT SHE ROLLED OVER AND SAID GOODNIGHT

CHORUS:  I TRIED EVERYTHING I KNEW MAYBE I COULD MAKE HER STAY

                     BUT IN THE END SHE SAID GOODBYE MY FRIEND AND WALKED AWAY

                     I COULDN’T STAND THE LONELINESS THAT FILLED OUR EMPTY HOME

                     SO I TOOK THE BOAT OUT BY MYSELF AND WENT FISHING ALONE         

        V-3  WE DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER I THOUGHT WE ALWAYS WOULD

                 I’D RELIVE EVERY DAY WITH HER NOW IF I ONLY COULD

                 NO ONE HAD TO SAY IT WE KNEW OUR TIME WAS DONE

                 OUR SHIP HAD SAILED AWAY IT JUST RAN OUT OF FUN

CHORUS:  I TRIED EVERYTHING I KNEW HOPING TO MAKE HER STAY

                     BUT IN THE END SHE SAID GOODBYE MY FRIEND AND WALKED AWAY                     

                     I COULDN’T STAND THE LONELINESS THAT FILLED OUR EMPTY HOME

                     SO I TOOK THE BOAT OUT BY MYSELF AND WENT FISHING ALONE

OUTRO:  AS THE SUN RAINED DOWN ON ME I GAZED OUT ON THE BAY 

THOUGHT OF THE FISHING SHE WAS MISSING AND THE LOVE THAT GOT AWAY 

CHORUS:  I TRIED EVERYTHING I KNEW HOPING TO MAKE HER STAY

                     BUT IN THE END SAID GOODBYE MY FRIEND AND SHE WALKED AWAY

                     I COULDN’T STAND THE LONELINESS THAT FILLED OUR EMPTY HOME

                     SO I TOOK THE BOAT OUT BY MYSELF AND WENT FISHING ALONE

- JUDGES COMMENTS

 (Please note that my suggestions for tweaking your lyric are in red.)  

“FISHING  ALONE “ 

V-1.  WE WENT FISHING EVERY WEEKEND.

        SHE PACKED LUNCH; I TOOK THE BAIT.
        DROVE THE TRUCK DOWN TO THE DOCK,

        Where wE COULD HARDLY WAIT.

 V-2.  Every fish she caught, she’d smile 

        And give each one A NAME (shorten for rhythm)
        TALKED as if she knew them…

        to me, THEY LOOKED THE SAME 
 
CHORUS:     I ALWAYS TRIED TO PLEASE HER…

                    BROUGHT her ROSES home AND STUFF
                    but SOMETHING started FADING 

                    and FLOWERS WEREN’T ENOUGH

    TRIED EVERYTHING I KNEW

    To try and MAKE HER STAY
                    BUT IN THE END GOODBYE 

    Was all she had to say

   V-4.   SHE DIDN’T SIT SO CLOSE then

           HER SMILE was NOT SO BRIGHT

           In bed, I’d try to touch her,
           SHE’d ROLL OVER,  SAy GOODNIGHT

   V-5.   I COULDN’T STAND THE LONEly

            THAT FILLED OUR EMPTY HOME
            SO I TOOK THE BOAT MYSELF 

            AND WENT FISHING all ALONE        

    This could be your bridge.): WE’d done EVERYTHING TOGETHER 

                            I THOUGHT WE ALWAYS WOULD
                                           I’D RELIVE those days forever

                            IF I ONLY COULD

CHORUS:

OUTRO:     AS THE SUN RAINED DOWN ON ME,

                  I GAZED OUT ON THE BAY
                  THOUGHT OF FISHING SHE WAS MISSING 

                  AND THE one THAT GOT AWAY  

Additional Note:  I thought I’d toss out a different title to consider. “The One That Got Away”

Second Place: Ships, Nicotine stains on the bloodshot cowboy by Martin Robley, West Leeds, Australia

Fumbles for a lucky strike

Out of matches

Out of luck

No place to stay the night

Bargain store smile on a low rent hustler

Hitting on some local guy

Smell of whisky

Smell of fear

Her chance has passed her by

Nocturnal waifs, homeless hard luck stories

Huddled snug in their overcoats

The late shift flunkies

Caffeine junkies

Life’s debris sinks or floats

Chorus:

Every face tells a story

Every sigh, every grin

Life passes away

The time of day

While they’re waiting for their ships to come in

Vietnam vet hides his war wounds within

Struggles for a reason why

Out of answers

Out of work

No tears there left to cry

Fugitive stares out an undressed window

Neon bleeds the pavement red

Tired of running

Tired of life

Too tired to go to bed

Chorus:

Every face tells a story

Every sigh, every grin

Life passes away

The time of day

While they’re waiting for their ships to come in

Bridge:

‘In The Wee Small Hours All Nite Diner’

Just the wrong side of the tracks

It’s a refuge for the cold and the lonely

It’s a haven for insomniacs

Chorus:

Every face tells a story

I know mine’s all shades of grim

Life passes away

The time of day

While they’re waiting for their ships to come in

Yes every face tells a story

Every sigh, every grin

Life passes away

The time of day

While we’re waiting for our ships to come in

We’re all waiting… for our ships to come in

Entry #2: Ships - Nicotine stains on the bloodshot cowboy  - JUDGES COMMENTS

(Your title is descriptive but doesn’t sum up your lyrics. Consider something like: “Every Face Tells a Story” or  “Waiting Their Ship to Come In”.

I’ll start my critique and suggestions by addressing that there was a line missing in the first stanza, so it didn’t match the other verses.  I’ve suggested first line at the beginning.)

(Simple pleasures? Hardly ever.)
Fumbling for a lucky strike.
Out of matches. Out of luck.
(Got) no place to stay the night. 

(Dime) store smile, low rent hustler. (Bargain’s 2 syllables threw off the rhythm and meter, so I suggest ‘dime’ store instead.)
Hitting on some local guy.
Smells of whisky. Smells of fear.
(Her last) chance (just) passed her by.

Nocturnal waifs and hard luck stories (condense, too wordy)
Huddled underneath (thin) coats. (I wonder if they’re snug and warm coats or ‘thin’.)
Late shift flunkies. Caffeine junkies.
(Lost souls sinking, trying to float.) (Try to get all your thoughts in without losing your rhythm or cadence. Speak your lyrics out loud over and over until you find what fits in a line without crowding. Think of alternate words that don’t change your meaning.)

Chorus:
Every face tells a story.

Every sigh (and hollow) grin.   (Google similar words for alt ways to describe your story’s picture.)

(Life keeps dragging on each day)

Waiting (their) ship to come in. (I suggest shortening this line for flow & it makes the point.)

(A) Vietnam Vet wars within.  (I suggest shortening this line for flow & it makes the point.)

Struggles for a reason why.

Out of answers. Out of work.

No tears left (in him) to cry.

(Fugitive stares out the window). 

Neon bleeds the pavement red.

Tired of running. Tired of living.

Too (strung out) to go to bed.

Bridge:  

‘In Wee Hours, All Nite Diner’ (Suggesting shortening of the line like this for flow.)

(On) the wrong side of the tracks.

It’s a refuge for the lonely, (I suggest shortening this line for flow & it makes the point.)

Haven for insomniacs.        (Same here.)

Chorus:

Every face tells a story.

Every sigh (and pseudo) grin.   (Another descriptive choice for the grin. Think about your meter when choosing words.  If it doesn’t flow, try a different word. )

(Life keeps dragging on each day)

Waiting their ship to come in (Once again, shortening this line helps the flow & still draws a picture.)

Chorus: 

Every face tells a story.

I know mine’s all shades of grim.

(Life keeps dragging on each day)

Waiting some ship to come in.

Waiting some ship to come in.

(The above lyric has good bones, however, meter suffered from too many words in some lines.  Try eliminating extraneous words and get down to the meat to make it more commercial.  It might be too long. I hope you’ll take my suggestions, work on this lyric some more, and resubmit it.  You’ve offered some pretty good visuals.)

Third Place: Will There Ever Be a Break of Day by Robert Davoli, Lincoln, MA

How will I ever find the break of day

When you have taken all my sunshine away

Guess I’ll take a deep dive into my soul

Sing a dirge to beautiful loners

Under the stars, I slept with God

Oh, she was so damn beautiful

I poured her a cup of moonlight

We laid down softly in the pines

Losing ourselves in the dark of the night

Slugging it out with our fright

Under the stars, I slept with God

Oh, she was so damn beautiful

I tried so hard, but failed even harder

You cannot put out the fire

If you are fanning all of the flames

Will there ever be a break of day?

Under the stars, I slept with God

Oh, she was so damn beautiful

Entry #10:  Will There Ever Be a Break of Day - JUDGES COMMENTS

I feel like you’ve done a lot of rhyming for the sake of rhyming, but your chorus is good.  I would suggest working on singing it or speaking it aloud to try to make your lyrics more conversational and still make your point.  After a bit of work, I suggest you resubmit this.  I’d like to see your efforts.

#20: On the Day.   (I’ve offered suggestions below.  Please work on correcting rhyme patterns and length of lines for proper flow. The repetition may work here, but overall, I feel like you could work on the rhythm of the lines.  The feeling of the song may touch someone if you continue to work on drawing pictures with your words.  Think of some details to share about your personal experience and bring them into the mix.) 

On the day I lost my lover and my best friend. (I would lose “same”)

On the day my heart simply fell apart

On the day I cried because I (felt completely) lost

My lover and my best, my lover and my best, my lover and my very best friend, oh

How sad is the night sky without any stars, oh

How sad (when a rainbow leaves the sky) , oh

How sad is the darkness without any hope,  (leave off light)

Without any hope, without any hope, without any hope for light, oh

How sad is the sunset sinking into the sea, oh

How sad (when a flower dies of thirst), oh

How sad is (a teardrop with no one to dry), 

With no one to dry, with no one to dry, with no one to dry my eyes

On the day I lost my lover and my best friend

On the day my heart simply fell apart

On the day I cried because I (felt completely) lost

My lover and my best, my lover and my best, my lover and my very best friend

Fourth Place: Lost Angeles - Lost Angeles by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ

Entry #  :

V-1  LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA A TASTE OF HEAVEN ON EARTH

         SUNNY SKIES SANDY BEACHES A GRAND DISPLAY OF WEALTH

         NATURE BLESSED YOU WITH YOUR WEATHER SUN SMILED DOWN ON YOU

         PALM TREES PRANCE IN A GENTLE DANCE AGAINST THE OCEAN BLUE  

      V-2 NOW YOUR BUILDINGS SCARRED WITH GRAFFITI THE SKY NO LONGER RAINS

             ONLY SHUTTERED STORES BROKEN HEARTS AND WITHERED TREES REMAIN 

             MOVIE STARS IN IMPORTED CARS LEAVING MANSIONS IN THE HILLS

             RUNNING FROM A CITY UNDONE AND OVERSIZED TAX BILLS

    

CHORUS:  LOST ANGELES - LOST ANGELES NOW EVEN YOUR STATUES CRY

                     TEARS SPILL DOWN ON THIRSTY GROUND AS HOPES AND DREAMS DIE

                     CITY OF ANGLES OUR CITY OF ANGELS NOW WHERE DID YOU GO

                     THE TOWN THAT REMAINS IS A PLACE I DON’T KNOW

    V-3  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE 401 NOW A ONE WAY RIDE OUT OF TOWN

            THE ON- GOING PLIGHT TO FLEE AT NIGHT WHEN NO ONE IS AROUND    

            EVEN FANCY HOLLYWOOD HILLS WITH THEIR ICONIC SIGN

            IS JUST ANOTHER FADING SYMBOL BEING LEFT BEHIND

CHORUS:  LOST ANGELES - LOST ANGELES NOW EVEN YOUR STATUES CRY

                     TEARS SPILL DOWN ON THIRSTY GROUND AS HOPES AND DREAMS DIE

                     CITY OF ANGELS OUR CITY OF ANGELS NOW WHERE DID YOU GO

                     THE TOWN THAT REMAINS IS A PLACE I DON’T KNOW

  

    V-4 NO MORE FANCY CARS AND CROWDED BARS JUST DIRTY EMPTY STREETS

           CIGARETTE BUTS AND CARDBOARD HUTS WHERE THE HOMELESS SLEEP

           YOU SLIPPED AND FELL INTO A LIVING HELL MUST BE A BETTER WAY

           SAVE OUR TOWN TURN THINGS AROUND MAKE US WANT TO STAY

CHORUS:  LOST ANGELES - LOST ANGELES NOW EVEN YOUR STATUES CRY

                     TEARS SPILL DOWN ON THIRSTY GROUND AS HOPES AND DREAMS DIE

                     CITY OF ANGLES OUR CITY OF ANGELS NOW WHERE DID YOU GO

                     THE TOWN THAT REMAINS IS A PLACE I DON’T KNOW

2  YOU’RE PICTURE PERFECT HOUSES WITH MANICURED LAWNS

          NOW SIT VACANT AND OVERGROWN THEIR OWNERS LONG GONE

  V-

          DESPERATE CALLS FOR HELP FALL ON DEAF EARS

          THE SOUNDS OF SUFFERING NO ONE SEEMS TO HEAR

Lost Angeles - Lost Angeles.   - JUDGES COMMENTS

V-1  LA, CALIFORNIA A TASTE OF HEAVEN ON EARTH,
        SUNNY SKIES and BEACHES, A GRAND DISPLAY OF WEALTH.
        NATURE BLESSED your WEATHER. SUN SMILED DOWN ON YOU,
        PALM TREES PRANCE a GENTLE DANCE AGAINST THE OCEAN BLUE. 

V-2 NOW GRAFFITI SCARS YOUR BUILDINGS. THE SKY NO LONGER RAINS.
       SHUTTERED STORES, BROKEN HEARTS, WITHERED TREES REMAIN
       MOVIE STARS, IN IMPORTED CARS LEAVE MANSIONS IN THE HILLS
       RUNNING FROM LA and OVERSIZED TAX BILLS
   
CHORUS:  

LOS ANGELES - LOST city: YOUR STATUES even CRY
TEARS SPILL DOWN ON THIRSTY GROUND AS HOPES AND DREAMS (ALL) DIE (check your rhythm.)
CITY OF (THE) ANGLES: WHERE’d your angels GO?
WHAT REMAINS of LA IS A PLACE I DON’T KNOW (speak your lines to check meter, rhythm and emphasis of each line.)
 
V-3  NO FANCY CARS AND CROWDED BARS… JUST DIRTY EMPTY STREETS
        CIGARETTE BUTS, CARDBOARD HUTS WHERE HOMELESS live and SLEEP
        YOU (cut words) FELL INTO A LIVING HELL   MUST BE A BETTER WAY
        SAVE OUR TOWN, TURN THINGS AROUND, MAKE US WANT TO STAY (to present your lyric in its best light, I suggest including punctuation where it is really necessary to the reading.)

V-4  YOU’RE PICTURE PERFECT HOUSES WITH MANICURED LAWNS
          OVERGROWN and VACANT THEIR OWNERS LONG GONE
          DESPERATE CALLS FOR HELP FALL ON DEAF EARS
          THE SOUNDS OF SUFFERING calls. NO ONE SEEMS TO HEAR

I suggest making this your BRIDGE:  

        (cut words) NOW THE 401’s A ONE WAY, (STRAIGHT ON) OUT OF TOWN
        THE NEWEST PLIGHT’s TO FLEE AT NIGHT WHEN NO ONE’S AROUND   
        HOLLYWOOD, your HILLS WITH THEIR ICONIC SIGN
        (cut words) ANOTHER FADING SYMBOL, BEING LEFT BEHIND

CHORUS