Thanks to our Lyric Contest Director Alexis Tapp
Fall 2022 Lyric Contest Winners
1st place: Nothing Can Bring Me Down by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ
2nd place: Someday Soon by Bill Martin, Dallas, Tx
3rd place: Taste Of Love So Sweet by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ
First “NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN” by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ
V-1 MORNING NEWS TELLS THE STORY ANOTHER TROUBLED DAY
THE PATH FILLED WITH ROADBLOCKS BUT I’LL FIND MY WAY
TEMPTATION TRIES PULLING ME INTO THAT ENDLESS HOLE but meets that wall,
When MY MIND GETS FLAKY LEGS GET SHAKY BUT I WILL NOT FALL Your third and fourth line don’t rhyme as is.
CHORUS: NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN I WON’T GO THERE
EVEN THIS BROKEN TOWN IS BETTER THAN NOWHERE
I’VE FALLEN BEFORE AND KEEP ON GETTING UP
THE FIRST STEP IS THE STEEPEST I CLIMB THEM ONE BY ONE
SURRENDER MAY BE CALLING BUT I DON’T HEAR A SOUND
I JUST KEEP ON SMILING NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN
A 6-line chorus is quite long. Your first two lines could be a pre-chorus,
but if it were my lyric, I might pick the best out of the 6 lines to make it a 4-line chorus.
Perhaps: “ Nothing can bring me down. I keep on getting up” instead of the first three lines as you wrote them.
Then keep the last three lines the same. It still has the hook and title but is a bit catchier and more to the point.”
Try to spend more time on what you’re trying to say and less about just making sure it rhymes. You’ll be surprised at what can happen as you continue to work on it. Sometimes the message you’re attempting to send becomes clearer.
V-2 PROGRESS DOESN’T COME EASY THE STRUGGLE’S NEVER FUN
BUT THAT’S THE ONLY WAY THEY SAY TO GET THINGS DONE
AND IF I MEET FAILURE I’LL TRY OVER AND OVER AGAIN
THE ROAD TO SUCCESS IS LONG AND BUMPY TO THE END
V-3 EVERY TIME I START CLIMBING UP A STEEPER HILL IS FOUND
I KNOW I MUST GO OVER IT THERE’S NO EASY WAY AROUND
BUT SOONER OR LATTER THE WAITING SUN WILL SHINE
IF I KEEP WORKING HARD THE REWARD WILL BE MINE
CHORUS:
BRIDGE: OH-GRAVITY OH-GRAVITY RELEASE ME TONIGHT
LET ME TRY TO FLY AND I JUST MIGHT
I WANT TO BATHE IN FREEDOM REACHING UP SO HIGH
HEADING TOWARD HEAVEN AS I SWIM INTO THE SKY
CHORUS
Judge’s additional re-write notes to consider including internal rhymes and a more rhythmic feel.
Nothing Can Bring Me Down:
I may keep falling, but I’ll get back up. Nothing can keep me down.
I’ll keep on smiling. I don’t give up when life tries to make me frown.
The steps are steep, but I’ll just keep … climbing them one by one,
‘Cause nothing, oh, nothing, oh, nothing can keep, nothing can keep me down.
Second: “Someday Soon” by Bill Martin, Dallas, Tx
VERSE 1 Someday soon but I don't know when
we'll be no longer where we've been
I can't say when and I can't say how
you better be ready I'm tellin' you now!
VERSE 2 Here's my warning short and sweet
The One who saves you're going to meet
I can't say when and I can't say how
but you better be ready I'm tellin' you now!
CHORUS Seven whole years in the tribulation
the covenant broken in the nation
Halfway through it'll terribly dawn,
And they may see The Holy Spirit's gone!
VERSE 3 Believers alive will be taken up
and those who remain will drink the cup
I can't say when and I can't say how
You better be ready. I’m tellin you now!
I appreciated your entry and your subject matter.
As the lyric judge, I would like to share some constructive criticism. I feel like your verse lines could
use some tweaking regarding the number of syllables in each line. This would help smooth out word flow.
Please read your lyrics aloud multiple times and see where you have a bit of trouble or stumble as your read.
Count your syllables and see where you can eliminate words altogether or simply choose different words to
correct the cadence and make the lines in the verses feel more cohesive. While I understand the clear meaning
of the third line of the chorus, it seems an odd way to say it in my opinion. I’d suggest playing around with that
line some to see if you can come up with something different. The lyric seems to have a bouncy, gospel vibe
which I like as I read it.
But, by the way, who is “they” in the chorus? Are you not part of the nation of which you speak? Even if you are different, some of the verbiage comes across as pointing fingers. In the second line, you did include yourself when you said, “we’ll be no longer where we’ve been, so that seemed less preachy”. Perhaps you could even say, “We better be ready, and it better be now!”in the fourth line. I like the message. I like the passion. I like a lot about the lyric, but it might draw the listener in more if you include yourself in the struggle a bit more. Just a thought.
Third: “TASTE OF LOVE SO SWEET” by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ
V-1 LOVE IS NOT AN EASY THING
IT’S DIFFICULT TO FIND
NOT EVERYONE WILL TOUCH IT
FEWER CAN HANG ON
LOVE IS ALWAYS FLEETING
IN A MOMENT CAN BE GONE
YOU CAN’T HOLD IN YOUR HAND consider eliminating the “you”
WHAT’S ONLY IN YOUR MIND
V-2 AN INTOXICATING RUSH
SWEETER THAN FINE WINE
TO TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN
AND FILL YOUR WORLD WITH FUN.
TURN YOUR TEARS TO GOLD
STOP THE RAIN WITH SUN
ONCE YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT
YOU’LL WANT IT ALL THE TIME I really like this part of this verse.
CH: IT STARTS OUT WITH A KISS
THE TASTE OF LOVE SO SWEET
THE FEELING IS INCREDIBLE “Incredible” may have too many syllable incerted here.
Consider “mighty” or “great” or “awesome” to shorten and make it easier to speak.
AS IT SWEEPS YOU OFF YOUR FEET
LIVES HAVE LITTLE MEANING
TIL LOVE MAKES THEM COMPLETE
ANYTHING ON EARTH IS WORTH
THE TASTE OF LOVE SO SWEET
I like the catchy feel of the lyric. You might consider the first line of the chorus to be:
First comes the kiss. It starts out just doesn’t sound pretty. If you accepted that as a change to the
First line, I would consider leaving off “the” and “as it” at the beginning of the next three lines. It lightens
The chorus a bit. In fact, you might think about condensing the last four lines to something like:
“Love gives meaning… makes life complete/More than anything…the taste of love so sweet.”
This shortens the chorus and is pretty catchy. Then at the end of the song, you could double the chorus.
Chorus
BRIDGE: LIKE A DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD, LOVE CAN CUT YOU LIKE A KNIFE
THIS PASSION FUELED EMOTION CAN PUSH YOU WAY TOO FAR
OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND TAKE SLICES OF YOUR LIFE
DIG DEEP INTO YOUR SOUL MAKE YOU WEAR IT LIKE A SCAR
V-3 A TINY FLOWER’S SEED BLOOMS ALONG THE WAY
TRY AS YOU MAY YOU CANNOT KISS YOURSELF
LOVE IS A WORK IN PROGRESS AS IT GROWS EVERY DAY
ROMANCE MUST BE SHARED WE ALL NEED SOMEONE ELSE
Chorus
Another offering for your “Taste of Love So Sweet” lyric:
It starts with a kiss… a kiss so sweet
That tastes delicious and weeps you off your feet.
Life has less meaning ‘til the love’s complete,
And it starts with a kiss…a kiss so sweet.
Barbe: I just decided to take one lyric that didn’t place and give some suggestions for it.
The judge’s thoughts on your lyric which did not place in the quarterly contest,
But seems like a good example for me to make some points for anyone reading these entries.
For the lyric called “Summer Job”:
I’m going to provide an example of what might make your lyric more powerful
with a stronger hook and a much more relevant and catchy title.
Chorus: I’m a flower seller; ain’t life grand?
I’ll land me a man. Then won’t life grand?
Sexy-girl power, trading youth and flowers.
Yeah, ain’t life grand?
This is the same basic story you wrote, but read them both aloud to hear the difference in the cadence. Your song title is not in the chorus which it really should be, and your chorus doesn’t currently have a hook. The example I’ve provided could use the new hook for the title: “Ain’t life grand?” Your verses need work, as well, so I suggest you spend some time considering how to improve the way in which you tell your story. Think about it as if you were the listener, trying to understand what the writer is trying to tell you. Give more attention to your structure and spend time editting your line lengths and rhyme patterns. I was drawn to your over-all idea, but the lyric, as is, is in its infancy. My motto is to write, re-write, and re-write some more until the lyric is one you might hear on Apple Music done by an recording artist you admire. As a fellow lyricist, I hope you’ll do the work and resubmit your piece. I appreciate you for your entry, and good luck on any future projects.
