Lyric Contest Director Alexis Tapp is on vacation so I’m stepping in for these contest comments. It’s always a good idea to define your sections when sending in lyrics for any reason. - Barbe
1st Place
So I Go, by Christy Sasser (artist name Violet Pen)
I packed my two-door coupe with everything I owned
Drove north along that quiet Alaskan road
Thought I’d find warmth out there in the snow
Thought his love would finally make me whole
So I go, and I go, and I go
What I’m looking for, I don’t know
These roads feel like prayers to someone who ain’t there
All this running’s getting me nowhere
Rose-colored glasses don’t stay on long
And it’s hard admitting that I was wrong
Now my foot’s on the gas, I’m heading out again
Another goodbye, another end I can’t explain
So I go, and I go, and I go
What I’m looking for, I don’t know
These roads feel like prayers to someone who ain’t there
All this running’s getting me nowhere
Out here I can see a thousand stars tonight
God, I was hoping one was mine
So I go, and I go, and I go
What I’m looking for, I don’t know
These roads feel like prayers to someone who ain’t there
All this running’s getting me nowhere
This four-way stop could take me anywhere
Usually I’m on the fastest road out of here
But this time I tap the brake, let go the wheel
This time, maybe this time, I'll be still
Judges Comment
This song has some good structure and an interesting story. You could bring more emotion into the story by exploring the senses of the mail character.
2nd Place
Stuck by Staci Wedding, Tawakoni, Tx
Verse 1:
She was stuck, stuck out on the plains
in a town, a town with too much space
So she dreamed, beyond the tumbleweeds
Of another place with a new name
To stake her claim
Verse 2:
Texas girl, Texas through and through
from her hat, hat down to her boots
Rooted deep, unfortunately
she never found common ground
in this town
Chorus:
She needs to
Breath, breathe some mountain air
See, see snowflakes in her hair
Go, go press her luck
Cause if she dont, go for broke
she’ll be stuck
Verse 3:
30 years, years gone in the wind
She will start, start over again
Leave this land, make her final stand
so long windmills cotton fields
she’s got a plan
Verse 4:
Grandma might, might roll in her grave
Headed north, north to another state
bags are packed, packed up in her truck
shes a little scared but what the hell
her minds made up
Chorus:
She needs to
Breath, breathe some mountain air
See, see snowflakes in her hair
Go, go press her luck
Cause if she dont, go for broke
she’ll be stuck
TAG
Cause if she don’t go for broke
She’ll be stuck
Judges Comment
This is a good story and has some good structure. I would suggest using 1st person to make the lyric more powerful. Also, the Grandma verse 4 might make a good bridge. Use different melody and lyrical meter and lose the 1st and last line. Add a chorus after verse 3 before the bridge.
3rd Place
Just Not Today by Rio King Plano, Tx
(Dancer’s Lament)
3/4/ time
Verse1: I knew that you'd be leavin',
Knew you couldn't stay.
(I'm) down on my knee and I'm grievin', Lord,
Refrain1: (I) Just wasn’t ready today,
Just......not.... today.
Verse2: Another night of dancing was always,
Just a two-step away.
We always had us an encore, didn't we?
Refrain2: Just....not....today, (there’s)
No more tomorrows today.
Bridge: Dancin’ shoes wait by the door, two pair, your’s and mine;
Two-inch heels and black and whites, sadly in need of a shine.
Verse3 : I'll trade my ev'ry tomorrow, Lord,
Just give me one chance,
To swing on the floor, just once more.
Loorrrd,…. could we dance!!
Lord, could we dance?
Verse4: I knew that you'd be leavin',
Knew you couldn't stay.
(I'll) Take on tomorrow, tomorrow, Lord,
Refrain3: I'm just not ready today,
Just....not....today.
Outro: (I'll) Take on tomorrow, tomorrow, Lord,
Just not today,
Just...................not today.
Judges Comment
This is a heart breaker! Good structure, but KEEP THE CHORUS THE SAME EVERY TIME. Keep other ideas for your outdo. Remember your fans want to sing along so keep it simple. I think what you call your Verse 3 is still part of the bridge and could come to a pleading climax at the bridge’s ending.
Comments on some other entries:
Leave Me Alone - KEEP THE CHORUS THE SAME EVERY TIME. Remember your fans want to sing along so keep it simple. You could set up a pre-chorus to accommodate little changes for each verse if you need to do that. Songs are for ears. Try to get more rhymes into your song.
Father’s Daughter - Try to get your title/hook into the 1st or last line of the chorus or both. Try using positive thoughts in the chorus and save the negative ones in the verse for the dad. That will give contrast between the sections. Also you can use minor chords in the verse and major ones in the chorus. To give the same contrast.
It’s A Long Way to Santa Fe - Love songs about New Mexico! Name your sections: Verse Chorus-Bridge- Intro-outro. Keep lyric conversational do not force the rhyme. You would not say “Place where my head did lay”.
Some Kinda Feelin’ - Keep lyric conversational - “In an instant when eyes met” + “In an instant when OUR eyes met”. This makes it more personal. Rhyme structure should be the same each verse.
Remembering Linda - Try to keep the rhyme structure the same each verse.
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