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Quaterly Contest Deadlines:

Winter - March 30

Spring - June 30

Summer - Sept 30

Fall - December 31

Entry fee is $10

Enter by mail: Dallas Songwriters Lyric Contest, Sammons Center For The Arts, 3630 Harry Hines Blvd #20 Dallas, Tx 75219


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Friday, February 4, 2022

WINNER OF THE FALL LYRIC CONTEST 2021

Winners of the 2021 Fall Lyric Contest

Thanks to Lyric Contest Director Alexis Tapp for comments


1. One Eyed Ghost  by Ynana Rose & Roman Mastandrea, San Luis Obispo, CA

2. Remember Me As A Sunny Day by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ

3. Nothing Aches as Hard (as a Broken Country Heart) by Robert Divoli, Lincoln, MA

HM Lavendar and Love by Robert Divoli, Lincoln, MA


First Place

ONE EYED GHOST  by Ynana Rose & Roman Mastandrea, San Luis Obispo, CA

The moon is a one-eyed ghost peeking through the clouds
On a lonesome highway, westward bound
The sky fades to black as the doubt seeps in
Will you love me now like you loved me then?

CHORUS:

Was I gone too long?
Did you cry in the cold grey dawn?
With you I belong
Wish I’d never gone away
Is it too late to say I was wrong?

The fog is a whisper of the rain
The miles take me back to where I was again
When you begged me to stay & I promised to return
Can love’s fire last with no fuel to burn?

CHORUS:

Was I gone too long?
Did you cry in the cold grey dawn?
With you I belong
Wish I’d never gone away
Is it too late to say I was wrong?

BRIDGE:
I feel the shame of regret
And the weight of the words I should have said

Our little blue house just the same as before
The naked porch light, the old screen door
In the kitchen window, you shining like a star
Holding a new love in your arms

CHORUS:

I was gone too long
While you cried in the cold grey dawn
With you I belong
Wish I’d never gone away
It’s too late to say I was wrong

Wish I’d never gone away
It’s too late to say I was wrong
The moon is a one-eyed ghost peeking through the clouds


Judge’s Comments:  I have only one issue with your lyric: your title isn’t your hook line.  

The hook is “Was I Gone Too Long”? which might be an appropriate title.  

You might even repeat the line “Was I gone too long?” as a last line on the chorus.  

Good job.  Thank you for your submission.  I look forward to seeing more of your work.



Second Place

REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY by Bill Kapac, West Wildwood, NJ


         V-1  RAIN DROPS STING LIKE FROZEN BULLETS WIND TARGETS MY FACE 

                 BUT I FEEL ONLY MY BROKEN HEART YOU LEFT WITHOUT A TRACE

                 OF COURSE IT WAS TOO GOOD TO LAST I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T STAY

                 YOU’RE WITH YOUR NEW LOVER NOW MY TIME TO FADE AWAY


             V-2  AT LEAST I TASTED LOVE AND SURE I WANTED MORE 

                     BUT I’LL KEEP THAT FEELING I’VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD BEFORE

                     AND IF YOU’RE BETTER OFF WITH HIM THAN YOU WOULD BE WITH ME

                     I’D LIKE TO SAY I’M HAPPY THOUGH MY HEART WOULD DISAGREE


       CH:  REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY A BRIGHT LIGHT FROM YOUR PAST

                 YOU LIT UP MY LIFE BUT HOT FIRES BURN OUT FAST

                AND IF SOME DAY YOU SLIP AWAY TO WHERE FATE AND MEMORIES STAY

                 I HOPE YOU’LL SEE AND REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY


        V-3  AND AS I TAKE TO LOOKING BACK SOMETHING I TRY NOT TO DO

                 ALL MY THOUGHTS AND DREAMS BRING ME BACK TO YOU

                 TIME CHANGES LOTS OF THINGS BUT SOME STAY STANDING STILL

                 AND LIKE MY LOVE FOR YOU I SUPOSE THEY ALWAYS WILL


  BRIDGE:  I’LL GO ON AND SPEND MY TIME WITH THOUGHTS FOREVER MINE

                    AND CARRY ON MY BACK THINGS I CANNOT LEAVE BEHIND 


       CH:  REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY A BRIGHT LIGHT FROM YOUR PAST

                 YOU LIT UP MY LIFE BUT HOT FIRES BURN OUT FAST

                AND IF SOME DAY YOU SLIP AWAY TO WHERE FATE AND MEMORIES STAY

                 I HOPE YOU’LL SEE AND REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY


          Judges Note:

          V-1  RAIN DROPS STING LIKE FROZEN BULLETS WIND TARGETS MY FACE. 

          This line seems strained and doesn’t add to an otherwise pretty good lyric.  Perhaps try something like:


                ” I can still feel your warmth where you last kissed my face.”

                 BUT now I have a BROKEN HEART ‘cause YOU LEFT WITHOUT A TRACE

                 OF COURSE IT WAS TOO GOOD TO LAST I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T STAY

                 Now you’re with a new lover, It’s MY TIME TO FADE AWAY


             V-2  AT LEAST I TASTED your LOVE AND SURE I WANTED MORE 

                     BUT I’LL KEEP THAT FEELING always I’VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD BEFORE

                     AND IF YOU’RE BETTER OFF WITH HIM THAN YOU’D’ve BEen WITH ME

                     I’D LIKE TO SAY I’M HAPPY THOUGH MY HEART WOULD DISAGREE


           CH:  REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY A BRIGHT LIGHT FROM YOUR PAST

                    YOU LIT UP MY LIFE BUT HOT FIRES BURN OUT FAST

                    AND IF SOME DAY YOU SLIP AWAY TO WHERE FATE AND MEMORIES STAY

                    I HOPE YOU’LL SEE AND REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY


            V-3  AND AS When I TAKE TO LOOKING BACK which I TRY NOT TO DO

                    ALL MY THOUGHTS AND DREAMS BRING ME right BACK TO YOU

                   TIME CHANGES LOTS OF THINGS BUT SOME STAY leaves others STANDING STILL

                   AND LIKE MY LOVE FOR YOU I SUPOSE THEY  ALWAYS WILL


  BRIDGE:  I’LL GO ON AND SPENDing MY TIME WITH THOUGHTS FOREVER MINE

                    AND CARRY ON MY BACK THINGS I CANNOT LEAVE BEHIND 


Bridge:  “Every thought of you is forever mine.

There’s just too much I can’t leave behind!”  

(This would change the cadence for the bridge and has more punch.)


          CH:  REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY A BRIGHT LIGHT FROM YOUR PAST

                   YOU LIT UP MY LIFE BUT HOT FIRES BURN OUT too FAST

                   AND IF SOME DAY YOU SLIP AWAY TO WHERE FATE AND MEMORIES STAY

                   I HOPE YOU’LL SEE AND REMEMBER ME AS A SUNNY DAY


         I think it would be effective is you said, “your sunny dayorone sunny day”, but that’s not a big thing.  


Third Place


             Nothing Aches as Hard (as a Broken Country Heart) by Robert Divoli, Lincoln, MA

It’s been so long since I wrote a country song
Now that you’re gone, I feel one coming on strong
Our love died
so young and now I’m so old
I’m so afraid to come in from try something else like “this broken love has left me cold”

Chorus: Nothing aches as hard 
As a broken country heart 
Nothing aches as hard      
Nothing aches as bad      OR  Nothing’s quite as sad
As a broken country heart 
As a song that makes you sad               As a love gone bad.

Nothing aches as hard 
As a broken country heart  


We were together.  Now we’re apart.  Nothing aches as hard as a broken country heart.

Chug-a-lugging hope from a brown paper bag
Trying to figure out, should I zig,
or should I zag
My sunken eyes sparkle when Pigeons coo to me  

                            sunken eyes’ doesn’t add to the story. Maybe ‘sad eyes’.

I shower them with peanuts, they seem hear my plea

Chorus

But long ago
When you wore your sundress
We went with the flow
Your hair fell in a beautiful mess 



Honorable Mention

        Lavendar and Lace by Robert Divoli, Lincoln, MA


I can’t explain why I still feel the flame

Even though it burned out so many years ago

I still remember your lavender and love

Long before you left me for the dark side of your soul


I found a river that flows in three-four time

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime

 

I love the foreplay of gentle twilight

As it hurtles into pitch-black cravings of the night

Ya can’t enjoy today if you live for tomorrow

Don’t let voices in your head stalk you with your own shadow

 

I found a river that flows in three-four time

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime


Saddle up your sorrow, ride into the light

Let me spin your world, summon the sun for you

Life is just my day job, not my heart’s desire

I could spend my lifetime chasing after your sweet dreams


I found a river that flows in three-four time

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime


I can’t explain why I still feel the flame

Even though it burned out so many years ago  

I still remember your lavender and love  

Long before you left me for the dark side of your soul


I found a river that flows in three-four time

Let’s dance on the river, live in the sublime


I suggest you work on your end of line rhymes in your second and third verses.  And you changed rhyme patterns in the different verses.

 I really enjoyed your chorus.  

It is helpful when pitching your lyric, that you label the parts of your lyric as verse, chorus, and bridge.

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